Last week, I was numb. A young lady at the age of 34 died in her sleep. She left behind two children. One as young as 5. This week another friend who I met three weeks ago but we were friends already died from a heart attack. He was also fairly young. He still had kids at home as well.
What can I say? These two deaths left me numb. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know how I could reach out to each of the families.
It did make me think about our time as mothers is very short! We don’t know when our time on earth will end. Sometimes we need to have those tough talks with our spouses. We just moved internationally four months ago. Let me tell you this is a hard question for us. I told my spouse that I didn’t want to be buried in my hometown because I never “loved it” since before I was an adult. But I also didn’t want to be left here in our new country if he was going to leave. And let me tell you it would be hard to stay here for both of us. He is our breadearner and though I am trying really hard to make a business here. It hasn’t happened yet. Yes, I can make a few bucks but I cannot make enough to live on. On the other hand, my husband works 60 hours and I do most of the caregiving to our two young children.
So our answers were hard. Not only, because that is something you don’t want to talk about. But what do we want? I hope nothing happens to us anytime soon because our answers were not concrete.
Today I was able to attend one of the funerals. The other funeral was in my hometown and I was not able to attend it.
Today the pastor gave it all out there! He didn’t just say the nice things. He dug deep into describing the person. He told about how he would care about anyone. He would make anyone feel welcome but that was only a recent change of a year ago. Before that he was an extremely quiet introvert.
The message of this man’s legacy was incredible.
It left me very teary but it left me asking the questions of what will my life stand for?
As a mother to two young boys will it be enough? As a wife to one amazing man will it count?
All too often I am blogging and trying to start business things that I lose focus of what matters the most. I want to be there for my family. I want to be the mom that made her kids important but not idols.
I have seen that some mothers will make the birthday parties to an extravogance that I am not comfortable with at all. Now if you are one of those moms, I’m not throwing you under the bus but making an example. We all have things that are too much.
I didn’t want entitled children that only think of themselves and not others. I want to teach them to live in a world that they give and help people. I want them to be a part of something bigger than themselves. I only have one childhood to teach them so many things and I take the job seriously.
We all have what we think the adventure of life to look like and we want to bring it to fruition with our children.
I don’t want my kids to have tons of stuff. I want them to build relationships and to build their creativity. I want them to know how to work. I want them to learn to be able to care for themselves and fend for themselves. For us it is important to give our children the entrepreneur dream. We want them to achieve their dreams and own them!
As for my husband, I have different goals and things that are important to me. I want to be there to help him succeed in his job and other things that matter to him. I want him to be at peace when he goes to work that his children are being well taken care of by their mother. I want him to have fresh homemade meals that he can look forward to throughout the day. I want his house to be in a peaceful order. (Yes, that doesn’t happen all the time).
As a woman, I want to have friends that know that their friendship is more important than things. I want them to know I would do a whole lot of caring and help them in difficult situations. I want to be a friend that they know is reliable and strong for them. I want them to know that whatever life throws at them, they can rely on me.
As a woman, I want to pursue my own dreams of owning my own business that lets me work at home and do what I love. I had a year that I detested what I did and vowed never to do that again. I want my business to make a difference for mothers and have true meaning and integrity that will help them solve some life problems.
Now if I die tomorrow, you know a bit of what I hope will be said about me at my funeral. Now it’s your turn. Talk to your spouse or significant other. Have a plan about the things that are hard to talk about. Talk about the details because you never know how long you have to be here and how long you will be making a difference for your own family.
This is probably one of the hardest discussions you will have and yet it is vitally important. This plan is the best thing you can do for the one you love. Just think, would you want to be the one who is left behind making those kind of decisions when you are grieving?
What will they say at your funeral? Are you the person you want to be?